Did Somebody Say “Sexy Fantasy Art”?

Today my li’l stats page recorded three whole hits for the search terms “sexy fantasy art.” I don’t know how likely it is that 3 different people on the same day all searched for “sexy fantasy art” and ended up with me (especially considering the dubious quality of WordPress.com’s statistics), but Hey! I say give ‘em what they want. Besides, talking about sexy fantasy art isn’t exactly a hardship, you know?

(Not Safe For Work.)
(Click on the pics to see them fullsize on Flickr.)

Between the stunningly original composition, elegant draftsmanship and …unique color scheme (I don’t know what to say about the color scheme, frankly) we have here a top-notch collector’s item that will only grow in value through the years. I think it’s by Frank Frazetta.

But those faces!

What has our hero got to be such a sourpuss about? Is it because he’s tensing up his pecs to look “cut” for the camera? At least he has a face, though. Poor Mr. Dead Guy’s features seem to have dissolved in acid. As for the lass there, her face looks like a Rorschach blot. If only “The Fraz” had given it as much painterly attention as he gave to, say, her nipple.

Also, he has her lying naked in a pile of filth and human remains. Tasty!

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For a guaranteed — guaranteed! — good time, go to Ebay and search for “original painting” or “original artwork.” I added “fantasy” to my search string and came up with the gem below. It’s gotten 9 bids! (Although 8 of them seem to have come from the same guy, “sleazepuppy666.”)

The seller explains that “Tony Rey is a portrait artist who has made his living for the past 20 years painting wealthy society ladies. His portraits sell for thousands of dollars and are in private collections across the US.” OK. Let’s imagine: You’re an art collector. 15 years ago you bought a Tony Rey portrait of a wealthy society lady for thousands of dollars. Now you find out Rey has “hundreds” of pictures like the above coming on the market. You’re a little bummed, yeah? Suddenly your elegant painting of Mrs. Thurston Howell III doesn’t seem so classy anymore.

Of course, considering the quality of the work above, if you bought anything by this guy, ever, you probably deserve what you get.

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Another Ebay find: a “Centauress.” (I’ve never seen a female centaur before, have you? And yet it never occurred to me to wonder how they breed.) Check out that left arm!

I have a special weakness for works like this: The artist was probably the standout in his high-school art class, and now the magic of Ebay has made him an actual professional. (This painting’s current bid: $50.) But why did he cover her boob with her hair? The (half of a) sexy babe is obviously the main draw here, and then he goes and gets all “tasteful”? I don’t get it.

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Boris Vallejo sure does have a lot to answer for, doesn’t he?

I picked out this masterpiece because of the model’s resemblance to Charo…

But upon closer inspection I’ve realized the comedy doesn’t end there. What’s going on, see, is that the bird is removing a French- or Viennese-style masquerade mask from the model’s face in an act of, I guess, sublime self-revelation or something. Given the Charo thing he would have done better to leave the mask on, anachronism or no.

Actually, Vallejo’s heyday was the late 70s-early 80s, so I bet he just saw Charo on Love Boat and got inspired.

technorati tags: sexy+fantasy+art, frank+frazetta, boris+vallejo, ebay+art, charo, love+boat

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