Rowling Sucks! An Antidote to Mass Hysteria

jk-rowling

Jo.

 Sick of J. K. Rowling? Me too. Whether you hate Harry Potter or just need a palate cleanser, here are a few choice anti-Potter rants for your misanthropic snuggle-time.

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dorothy-parker

Dot.

GOBLET OF FIRE WAS NOT a book to be put down lightly but, as Dorothy Parker once put it, to be hurled with some force to the corner of the room. Rowling’s prose is as flat (and as English) as old beer, while Harry himself is not a boy of depth or subtlety.” — Guardian (U.K.) literary editor Robert McCrum

“THE MAIN BAD GUY IS A TOTAL BITCH. He’s like a combination of the Penguin from the old Batman and Robin TV show and one of the bad guys from Scooby Doo, always getting punked by a kid. At this point, how threatening can he be?” — blogger Kevin Palmer (PointlessBanter.net)

“IF YOU CALL ME A MUGGLE I am going to rip out your larynx with my nephew’s Tonka truck backhoe.” — Kevin Palmer again (PointlessBanter.net)

MORE after the jump…

goblet-fire-cover“IN ANY DECENT STORY the plot is advanced as characters make decisions. In Goblet of Fire, Harry has to enter a tournament because his name pops out of a cup. And he can’t decide not to enter because… the rules of magic say so! Things are just being thrown at Harry because the writer wants to throw them. (It’s even worse than an episode of 24).” — Daniel Radosh (In his comment after his main article criticizing Rowling’s adverb use.)

“‘THANK YOU, PHINEAS,’ said Dumbledore quellingly.” — quoted by blogger Bill Crider

“AHUUUGHGHGHWGHWOURGWURGHOWEURGHW-
SHUTTHEFUCKUP”

LiveJournaler Miyu Sakura

For Part 2 — including Nazi sites, latte vomit, “funny-aunty whimsy” and Whitbread book award judge Anthony Holden — go here.

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22 Comments

  1. I took a bit of a piss on Harry Potter fans in my latest comic strip. Not as good as your ripping however.

  2. My God, get a grip.

  3. Simply said… Potter loves the cock.

  4. I’d like to see how many of the people who leave comments here have actually read the books.

  5. Her books are fine, stop crying and read them before trashing them.

  6. Just cause she’s the first billionaire author in the world, and is richer, if not more famous then the Queen of England, doesn’t mean you have to be jealous and thrash her writing. Its fantasy, she can make harry do whatever she wants him to do.

  7. no way no way.. she is a good writer….. :) I wont agree with u sorry

  8. I didn’t make fun of HER in my comic… I made fun of the fans… there is a big difference.

  9. Ha! I don’t think that’s going to make them feel any better, MC. Seeing as how they’re fans and all.

  10. Well, it is just so easy sometimes.

  11. Rowling sucks

  12. I don’t think she’s a great writer, but it’s pretty decent for what it is. Lots of holes though, I’ll admit.

    And I threw the fourth book across my room when I opened it up. GDMFW.
    The last book, should be burned. Why couldn’t Harry just die to end the book series, instead of leaving it open for more fanfiction and more books about someone I don’t care to read about. End.

  13. I actually love the books, I just thought it would be fun to round up some negative stuff. People are so invested in it, it’s funny to see how readily they freak out at the slightest sign of criticism. (Viz: Amber, D’oh, John, etc above.)

  14. I find it funny how they all posted without links when posting something negative.

    Silly people. XD

  15. it’s simply a mass hysteria. the problem i find is utter unsophistication. blurt some nonsense words and something happens. there’s a dream which tells half future… oh my god. where is the mind????
    these books are only for kiddos, shame to the others

  16. I read the first three books aloud to my daughter. The grammar and usage were so bad that I couldn’t keep myself from repairing it as I went, and pronouncing the idiotic prig-latin spells was just plain embarrassing. I suggest a program be funded to exchange HP books 1:1 with books by Edith Nesbit as a corrective.

  17. I’ve never read Edith Nesbit, and I’m pretty sure I’ve resolved to do so on a couple of previous occasions, only to forget all about it. Which books do you recommend for starters?

  18. HP are the most overrated books in history, and Rowling’s writting has many flaws. Anyone who can’t see that is either:
    a) A little kid
    b) A blind fanboy
    or c) A retarded

  19. Harry can go suck a Dick, that self centered Son of a Bitch, stupid nerd pisses me off.

    • Can’t agree with you more. That idiot needs to get a life. An JK Rowling is ordinary at best. Books 5,6 and 7 were horrible.

  20. H-B: “c) A retarded”? Nice, very nice!

    Her-miney: Maybe try meditation.

  21. I read books alot and i have read the harry potter series and it was retarded, boring and very kiddish.


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