Rowling Sucks Some More: An Anti-Potter Saturnalia

deathly-hallows-cover Just to sustain the unproductive negativity of the last post, here’s another round of J.K. Rowling-bashing for anti-Potterites or just people who enjoy being all “nonconformist” and stuff.

First, a couple of helpful links: To skip reading Deathly Hallows at all, go here. Also, you can watch Brad Neely’s Sorcerer’s Stone commentary soundtrack on YouTube.

But enough of that. Let’s get hurtful!

Infectious_Mononucleosis_3“I HATE HAVING MONO and having to work on Harry Potter night. I thought I was going to die. We had a line wrapped around for 4.5 hours. I had to step away a few times before I blew chunks in someone’s latte. I hope Harry dies.”LiveJournaler Kelly

“AMERICA, YOUR TASTE IN READING SUCKS, your reading comprehension is poor, and you wouldnt know the difference between a static and dynamic character if they both hit you.” — MySpacer Johnny Trash

“PATRONIZING, VERY CONSERVATIVE, HIGHLY DERIVATIVE … a pedestrian, ungrammatical prose style which has left me with a headache …” — Whitbread book award judge Anthony Holden

More after the jump…

“I JUST DON’T FEEL READY TO LOWER my expectations for the youth of today, to accept the modest victory of getting them to read a book. To exercise reductio ad absurdum, would it also be a moral victory to get them to read some Nazi’s website, because at least they’re reading?” — Only A Pawn blog

pamela-anderson“COME ON PEOPLE, A FUCKIN’ boy wizard and his fucking quidditch? Whatever happened to Pamela Anderson and wet dreams??” — Blogger A Loof

“BLAND, CLICHE, DERIVATIVE, BANAL … as a teacher, people would say to me, “Aren’t you just happy your students are reading?” My answer was always an emphatic “No!” It is not enough that they just read if what they are reading is not challenging, rewarding, or ennobling.” — Blogger Jeremy

“WHY DON’T THE LITTLE FUCKERS ever ask the grownups for help? Instead they must venture into danger by themselves with a shitty spell they have just concocted (read: Hermione prepared).” — LiveJournaler Emily

SnitchHP1“[A] FEELING OF MILD EMBARRASSMENT is, for an adult reader, never far away. It is perhaps the queasy lurching between funny-aunty whimsy,** the wildly tedious school details of prefects’ badges and (a particularly annihilating chapter here) Magical O-Levels.” — novelist Philip Hensher

“HOGWARTS SEEMS MORE TIRESOME than grotesque. When the future witches and wizards of Great Britain are not studying how to cast a spell, they preoccupy themselves with bizarre intramural sports.” — Harold Bloom

**What is this? Anyone? Anyone? I mean, it sounds good, don’t get me wrong…

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9 Comments

  1. A series of poorly written books by an author desperately in need of a stable of vicious editors.

  2. Or even one! I’m all for author empowerment, but it’s obvious that nobody dared to critique Rowling’s work after she started getting big.

  3. I was a fan of the books until this last one, she BLEW IT! The most disturbing thing is her bizzare disconnect with the real hero Severus Snape- a great character wasted and I find it hard to believe she came up with him, he should just walk off the page and into the hands of a better writer. Random deaths, meandering chapters and then rushed scenes written in haste. Not all questions have been answered and many more have been raised. Plot Holes the size of Toledo! From now on, its Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, nothing they have written has disappointed me thus far, what a quack!

  4. I dunno about a bizarre disconnect with Snape. What does that mean? I thought he was OK here. I liked how The Prince’s Tale chapter mingled psychological insight with concrete clues. Or do you mean that she backed off or wimped out from the Snape we saw at the end of the last book?

  5. Hey, I haven’t been quoted in about a year, so thanks for that. As nonplussed as I am by Rowlings’ success, I must say that my disdain for her work is dwarfed by my absolute hatred of Robert Jordan and all that WOT stands for…

  6. I remember back in middle school how one of my literature teachers was having the class read the first book. That was fine and all, until they made it the book(s) to read each year. The teachers picked the first book for sixth graders and so forth.

    The idea was not liked by parents. In this little community, parents freaked and said that the witchcraft they taught children in the books was the work of Satan. People started writing to the papers and demanding that the books be kept out of the schools to save their children from evil.

    Since when is a fictional book with made-up witchcraft a sin?
    People around here scare me.

  7. Fuck Harry, that son of a bitch..

  8. Guys, can I ask you this? Who the heck are you guys to say these books suck, when I’m ready to bet anything that 99% of you haven’t read them, and are only following what other people say.

    I know everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but in my opinion you’re not unless you can give sufficient evidence that it’s a horrible book. There’s a difference between not liking the plot and not liking the writing, and any good reader will tell you that these are exceptionally well-written books.

    Now, I understand if you don’t like the plot, but don’t bash and flame and rip Rowling because you don’t like the plot. Get it through your heads that what I said, that there’s a difference between not liking the plot and not liking the writing, is true.

  9. Chester, I don’t know about the others but I have read all the books. Just for fun. And at the beginning it was entertaining. IMHO, the biggest problem with the HP series is that Rowling obviously didn’t think the story through, or at least she didn’t plan it to be a material for 7 books. The story is full of inconsistencies, random and illogical moments, and lacks all kinds of character development. Voldemort is struggling for world dominance, wow. With ten or fifteen loser death-eaters, who couldn’t even rule a freaking McDonald’s? Without infrastructure, serious weaponry, marching armies and high political connections? I want world dominance, too, and I even have a bycicle, so I must be damn good. At the end Voldemort doesn’t even notice that his horcruxes are destroyed one by one, as if he had no connections with them – but in the second book, his diary was “updated”, it “knew” about everything that happened after it was deposited, so now, what the hell is going on with these horcruxes? And what about those time-turners? They give it to a schoolgirl to enable her to attend more classes, but they don’t use it in order to prevent crimes and murders?? And wizards – also children! – can go here and there between the wizarding world and the real world, but no-one ever notices the existence of the wizarding world, only now and then is it necessary to brainwash some muggles? How do they manage mixed marriages, then?? (Not to mention the visits at the prime minister’s office…) I don’t think such a thing can be kept in secret without using the most brutal and dictatorical methods. And Snape’s “big tragedy”, that in high school he was in love with a girl who didn’t return his feelings, and that’s why he became so bitter and angry – I’m sorry to say but only 12 year-old girls have such funny and immature concepts about love and life. And so on, and so forth…

    There’s nothing wrong with light entertainment books. The problem is that Rowling consideres herself to be some kind of ultra-talented author who produces real art. There are dozens of well-written, imaginative fantasy books of very talented authors, who don’t get the fragment of the attention targeted at Rowling and her writings. Rowling was lucky, that’s all. And as she was „discovered” and enjoyed an increasing popularity, she abandoned the world of tales and tried to place her little story in a serious, adult context, with references to politics, 20th century history, the world war, the persecution of minorities or the war in Albania, which, honestly, makes me puke. Gimme a break, JKR, don’t try to mix your pathetic little characters into REAL tragedies, where people actually have suffered and died. It’s simply tasteless.

    About the style: as I’m not a native English speaker, I might be wrong in my judgement, but I have read a good deal of English literature and I don’t think Rowling’s style is considerably eloquent or beautiful. The 7th book was a real pain to read, in fact. No offence, but those who think that Rowling is an exceptionally talented author should read some of the classics first…


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