Looking up Mazes and Monsters, Rona Jaffe’s 1981 novel about Dungeons & Dragons, for a previous post introduced me to an astonishing phenomenon: the Mazes and Monsters fan community. Yes, it exists! Sort of!
There are two things worth noting about the Mazes and Monsters fan community.
Just to sustain the unproductive negativity of the last post, here’s another round of J.K. Rowling-bashing for anti-Potterites or just people who enjoy being all “nonconformist” and stuff.
First, a couple of helpful links: To skip reading Deathly Hallows at all, go here. Also, you can watch Brad Neely’s Sorcerer’s Stone commentary soundtrack on YouTube.
But enough of that. Let’s get hurtful!
“I HATE HAVING MONO and having to work on Harry Potter night. I thought I was going to die. We had a line wrapped around for 4.5 hours. I had to step away a few times before I blew chunks in someone’s latte. I hope Harry dies.” — LiveJournaler Kelly
“AMERICA, YOUR TASTE IN READING SUCKS, your reading comprehension is poor, and you wouldnt know the difference between a static and dynamic character if they both hit you.” — MySpacer Johnny Trash
“PATRONIZING, VERY CONSERVATIVE, HIGHLY DERIVATIVE … a pedestrian, ungrammatical prose style which has left me with a headache …” — Whitbread book award judge Anthony Holden
More after the jump…
Sick of J. K. Rowling? Me too. Whether you hate Harry Potter or just need a palate cleanser, here are a few choice anti-Potter rants for your misanthropic snuggle-time.
“GOBLET OF FIRE WAS NOT a book to be put down lightly but, as Dorothy Parker once put it, to be hurled with some force to the corner of the room. Rowling’s prose is as flat (and as English) as old beer, while Harry himself is not a boy of depth or subtlety.” — Guardian (U.K.) literary editor Robert McCrum
“THE MAIN BAD GUY IS A TOTAL BITCH. He’s like a combination of the Penguin from the old Batman and Robin TV show and one of the bad guys from Scooby Doo, always getting punked by a kid. At this point, how threatening can he be?” — blogger Kevin Palmer (PointlessBanter.net)
“IF YOU CALL ME A MUGGLE I am going to rip out your larynx with my nephew’s Tonka truck backhoe.” — Kevin Palmer again (PointlessBanter.net)
MORE after the jump…
Just FYI, I finally cobbled together a response to the screaming hordes of fantasy fans calling for my head in the “Don’t Talk to Me About Reading” post. You can read it here.
For your convenience, the “Fantasy Throwdown” — the most popular and most vilified series of posts in the storied history of this blog — went like this:
The original post: “Don’t talk to me about reading — or, cranky much?”
The followup: “Yeeeeaugh! More on the fantasy throwdown”
The Postscript: Where I explain myself… again.
Something awe-inspiring happened today.
People actually… uh… read this blog.
Unfortunately, they all hate me.
(More after the jump.)
Have you ever noticed how much fantasy fans read? It’s really astonishing. My fantasy-fan friends have always had the most packed bookshelves, even more than mystery/thriller fans. (Sci-fi fans can’t even compare.) One time I saw an apartment whose owners had a large room devoted to their mostly-fantasy book collection. They had giant shelves lined up across the room library-style, all packed with paperbacks. You literally had to use an aisle between the shelves to cross the room. It was wild.
Of course, they’re really proud of this chew-through-the-phonebook capacity. Take for instance the recently concluded Once Upon A Time Challenge sponsored by the blog Stainless Steel Droppings. Continue reading
Just how experienced a fan are you? Find out by answering these questions taken verbatim from a variety of fandom purity tests.
Or you could just try to figure out which fandoms they all come from. If you’re not man enough to know the answers, that is.
-Who was supposed to die in the pilot episode?
-Can you name at least 5 letterers?
-Have you ever named a slashfic character after yourself?
-Do you own a Holy Anorankh?
-Have you ever called for the horrible, gruesome, bloody death of Joel Schumacher?
-Who spoke these lines: “It changes nothing. Tauvo is dead. Struck down by a weak, pathetic, inferior being. It must be avenged! I swear in Tauvo’s name, you will die in my hands.”
-Have you ever seen any Dragon Ball? Do you think it is the best anime ever, far above all others, and the standard by which all other anime should be judged?
-Have you sung any ‘Monty Python’ song at Rocky Horror?
-Did you rent The Professional just because it had Transformers episodes playing in the background in several scenes? Did you repeatedly watch The Professional in order to figure out which episodes they were? Did you figure it out?
-Have you ever told an anti-Alliance joke?
-Do you know which singer Neil Gaiman is friends with?
-Did you buy the Lexx DVD set and take its included purity test?
-Have you spent between $1000 and $10,000 on Animaniacs-related stuff?
-How many Land of the Lost episodes do you have a specific memory of?
-Where’s the Crouching Groucho?
-Do you know the significance of Totter’s yard?
-Have you ever met any Seiyuu?
-Have you ever asked someone if they can see the thestrals too, then refused to explain what a thestral is?
-Do you know what the opening music for Gundam Wing is called?
-How many theme songs do you know by heart and sing along with? (Just give yourself a bunch of points.)
-Have you ever had to prove to somebody’s family that you’re not a psychotic axe-murderer?
(I might have made up a couple of the questions.)
Plus, a special bonus question after the jump.
While reviewing a highly amusing page of Amazon tags for Kevin Federline’s album (examples: “douche,” “rich wife,” “music to make you long for the sweet release of death”), I discovered that not one, not two but six users tagged it “aka Vogon poetry.” As in Vogons, the baddies in Douglas Adams’ (R.I.P.) Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Not bad considering only four users tagged the album “wannabe” and the supremely apt “douche” was selected by a mere one.
But Brit’s ex aside, there are plenty of Amazon products that merit this excellent tag. Not to mention that using it a lot creates a nice ad hoc Adams tribute. I just tagged Diddy’s Press Play, Lady Sovereign’s Public Warning and the Rembrandts’ greatest hits. Won’t you join me?
Remember, it’s aka, not a.k.a.
(Thanks, Trite, for the Amazon tag link.)
technorati tags: k-fed, federline, vogon+poetry, hitchhiker’s+guide, douglas+adams, amazon