Pure Fandom

Just how experienced a fan are you? Find out by answering these questions taken verbatim from a variety of fandom purity tests.

Or you could just try to figure out which fandoms they all come from. If you’re not man enough to know the answers, that is.

——

-Who was supposed to die in the pilot episode?
-Can you name at least 5 letterers?
-Have you ever named a slashfic character after yourself?
-Do you own a Holy Anorankh?
-Have you ever called for the horrible, gruesome, bloody death of Joel Schumacher?

 joel-schumacher

-Who spoke these lines: “It changes nothing. Tauvo is dead. Struck down by a weak, pathetic, inferior being. It must be avenged! I swear in Tauvo’s name, you will die in my hands.”
-Have you ever seen any Dragon Ball? Do you think it is the best anime ever, far above all others, and the standard by which all other anime should be judged?
-Have you sung any ‘Monty Python’ song at Rocky Horror?

rocky-horror

-Did you rent The Professional just because it had Transformers episodes playing in the background in several scenes? Did you repeatedly watch The Professional in order to figure out which episodes they were? Did you figure it out?
-Have you ever told an anti-Alliance joke?
-Do you know which singer Neil Gaiman is friends with?
-Did you buy the Lexx DVD set and take its included purity test?
-Have you spent between $1000 and $10,000 on Animaniacs-related stuff?

animaniacs

-How many Land of the Lost episodes do you have a specific memory of?
-Where’s the Crouching Groucho?
-Do you know the significance of Totter’s yard?
-Have you ever met any Seiyuu?
-Have you ever asked someone if they can see the thestrals too, then refused to explain what a thestral is?
-Do you know what the opening music for Gundam Wing is called?
-How many theme songs do you know by heart and sing along with? (Just give yourself a bunch of points.)
-Have you ever had to prove to somebody’s family that you’re not a psychotic axe-murderer?

(I might have made up a couple of the questions.)

Plus, a special bonus question after the jump.

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7-minute Space Ghost

space-ghost-coast Thinking about Adult Swim got me in the mood to check out some eps of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast from back before the concept had been pummeled into sun-warmed aspic.** I took a look on the YouTube, where (thanks, Cartoon Network legal dept!) episodes of Coast to Coast are outnumbered by clips of the original, 1966 Space Ghost.

They’re each about 7 minutes, a good length for a work break. Three gems:

The Ovens of Moltar
The first episode ever. Moltar wears go-go boots and orates while perched on a little ottoman. Jan and Jace kick off a long career of haplessness.
QUOTE: Jace: “Whatever that is, I don’t like it!”

The Gargoyloids
Includes the very first shot of the crunchy-looking planetoid used in SG: Coast to Coast’s opening credits.
QUOTE: Space Ghost: “That’s our unidentified objective.”
ANOTHER QUOTE: Jan: “Maybe that’ll teach you not to touch everything you see!”

zorakThe Challenge
The first Zorak ep (?). Zorak has a sidekick whose voice actor isn’t nearly as awesome. Space Ghost poses like a ballet dancer, showing off his tiny tiny feet, and thrusts his pelvis while held in Titanor’s locking ray.
QUOTE: There are no good quotes in this episode.

**Checkitout — I worked in a reference to aspic! It’s really very tasty.

Buck Rogers Space Gun Solution

Nice work, Omega Man X! The guns in the Buck Rogers space gun contest were indeed from…

buck-rogers

1) Battlestar, 2) Dr. Who, 3) Blake’s 7 and 4) Buck Rogers. Most worthy of scrutiny is the Blake’s 7 gun, which a fan hand-made with what was clearly way too much effort. “The clear ribbed section was a nightmare,” he writes. “I resorted to carving each ring by hand from a perspex sheet. It took about a day per ring!”

Good grief. For a better use of time, jump on the ole “toys were better in the olden days” bandwagon and enjoy these pix of 1940s Buck Rogers stuff. (Or, for space guns of every variety, go here. )

buck-guns

More guns after the jump.

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Buck Rogers Space Gun Challenge

On top of South Park’s well-meted skewering of Richard Dawkins last week (or, at least, Dawkins’ skewering of Ms. Garrison — Haw!) I was psyched to see the reference to 1979-81’s Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. Nobody ever talks about that show. Nobody ever buzzes about a remake. Nobody ever asks, “What happened to Gil Gerard?”

gil-gerard-buck-rogers-shirtless

When I try to source my own nostalgia for the show, it comes down to the white jumpsuits and the Betty-and-Veronica vibe between Princess Ardala and Erin Gray.*

????????????????? Otherwise, I admit it, it sucked. But I have to ask, what really distinguished it from other 1970s low-budget sci-fi shows? Buck Rogers, Dr. Who, Battlestar Galactica and Blake’s 7 all had actors standing around cheap sets brandishing the prop department’s imaginative notion of space guns.

Maybe it’s the guns. So here’s the question: Which toy/model gun is from which 70s show? See the pictures after the jump.

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Television Without Pity’s Battlestar Forum Sucks

So I’ve been looking for someplace to yak about Battlestar Galactica online, and my first choice was a huge goose egg. Surprisingly, it’s Television Without Pity, one of the biggest and, arguably, hippest TV discussion sites online.

Alas, however engaging TWOP’s forums on Project Runway and Lost, its BSG forum has fallen into the moist grip of super-fans.

Take, for example, the proliferation of fannish vocabulary, especially the inexcusable “frack” for “fuck.” If you want to separate yourself from normal human society to the point of adopting a made-up expletive, this forum is the place to do so. Same if you prefer to invoke “the Gods” instead of God. TWOP’s posters also use a particularly disgraceful coinage I hadn’t seen before: “Humlon,” as in “Humanoid Cylon.” Oh, jeez. They really are trying to make normal people ashamed to admit we like this show, aren’t they? Even “Hulon” would have been better. Or, wait! Better still, just say … “Humanoid Cylon.” I like it!

Then there are all the emotional-explosion posts. The kind that make you wonder if the author is actually a 13-year-old girl, or just talks like one online.

–“I think Istopped breathing at several points during the premiere.” [If only! -ed.]

More after the jump.

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Project Runway: Geekier Than You’d Imagine

As it clomps down to the wire, it’s becoming clear that there’s a diabolical link between Bravo’s Project Runway and fandom.

First there were the sleeves on designer Vincent’s pageant gown, which prompted guiding force Tim Gunn to say, “These ridiculous epaulette sleeves, talk about ‘Beam Me Up Scotty’! I mean, where were they going, to Judy Jetson’s birthday party?”

Then Phaolo of Project Yawnur compared the four designers remaining in the contest to the Fantastic Four.

fantastic-four-project-runway-yawnur

The Invisible Woman was Uli, who “went unnoticed for most of the season.” Jeffrey was The Thing because he “doesn’t care who he steamrolls over.” Laura was “Stretch” (I think he means Ms. Fantastic) because of her uniquely mobile facial expressions. Michael was the Human Torch because he’s … uh… hot and stuff. (3 out of 4 ain’t bad.)

Then the most recent episode prompted recapper Rich of fourfour to compare one designer to Gollum:

“Angela thinks fleurchons are preshhhhhhusssssss”

As well as comparing host Heidi Klum’s hair to the work of H.R. Giger.

Finally, a fourfour commenter posited a link between designer Jefferey’s neck tattoos and Trek:

“Don’t you think Jeffrey’s neck is channeling a member of the Cardassian empire? Gul-lejerk maybe? “

He even linked to that geekiest of sites, Star Trek Gaming Universe!

You know what this means? It’s only a matter of time before Peter Jackson and David Tennant start turning up on the cover of Vogue. In costume. (Jackson will simply choose a costume.)

Jesus: Battlestar ain’t no Firefly

jesusJesus Christ has a lot on His mind lately, what with the Mexican election, Katherine Harris and His blog. But He still finds time to Tivo. A couple months back, when presenting the Jesus Christ TV Awards, He contentiously declared Battlestar Galactica to be “Science Fiction Taking A Step Backward From Firefly.”

Needless to say, that judgment would raise hackles even if it didn’t come from the Most High. I emailed Him and asked for an elucidation of His views, and — Praise the Lord! — He took time to write back.

Dear Lord, thanks for taking my questions. In Your eyes, what’s wrong with BG?

Before I ruffle your feathers all up, let Me start by saying I absolutely love Battlestar Galactica. I totally think it’s a wonderful show. However, it’s no Firefly. That show had it going on!!! It took all the Star Trek/Star Wars clichés and messed ’em all up.

What’s the connection between Firefly, Star Wars and Star Trek?

Everything Lucas did wrong in the last 3 Star Wars films, Firefly did right. Firefly made sci-fi hip again, leaving just enough genre cheese to keep one foot firmly in the “space serial” canon, but with that foot firmly planted in whatever-it-was that made Han Solo so cool. What Lord Of The Rings did with fantasy, Firefly could have done with science fiction. Granted, it didn’t… and being God, I know why: Fox didn’t have faith in it and the movie sucked.

Do You think BG is too old-fashioned?

Battlestar Galactica is a great show, but it will only win over fans who already love good science fiction. It’s always felt stiff and serious and important, which they really do well… but that’s what people expect from sci-fi, and that’s why I say it’s a step backwards from Firefly.

Thanks for Your thoughts! Anything else to add?

Believe in Me or go to Hell.

***

P.S. Not God, but close: Joss Whedon on BG (link via Windy City Mike.)

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Stargate wasn’t all that

Sg1-posterIn memoriam.

Stodge.org: “How did RDA’s character get to be a colonel despite being a figeting bafoon?[sic] Dean Stockwell was better in ‘Quantum Leap.'”

Jump the Shark:total merde and unwatchable” … “tired boring scripts that spout thinly veiled liberal politics [and] talentless actors that should be working for Taco Bell” … “Farscape-like drek of one-liners and yawntastic plots.”

Usenet guy:Lamest aliens ever. Old Dr. Who episodes had better production.”
Other usenet guy: Fuck you! At least they don’t wear tacky unitards!

Blogger Kelli McBride:I miss Jack O’Neill … and not just because he’s a smorgasboard of sexy hunkdom.”

Ziggeraut of Doom: “It’s basically just “SlidersTrekScape.

TVgasm Forums member: “Last line of the episode: ‘I just think we need a new plan. A damn good one.’ Then worried glances between every frickin’ actor the likes of which we haven’t seen since SNL’s Besos y Lagrimas skit. Barf!”

Not really worth linking to, but a MillenniumFalcon.com forum user sez, “Stargate sucks ass!! anyone who likes it is a major superfriend.” Is “superfriend” an insult now? Cause I like it!

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