Rowling Sucks Some More: An Anti-Potter Saturnalia

deathly-hallows-cover Just to sustain the unproductive negativity of the last post, here’s another round of J.K. Rowling-bashing for anti-Potterites or just people who enjoy being all “nonconformist” and stuff.

First, a couple of helpful links: To skip reading Deathly Hallows at all, go here. Also, you can watch Brad Neely’s Sorcerer’s Stone commentary soundtrack on YouTube.

But enough of that. Let’s get hurtful!

Infectious_Mononucleosis_3“I HATE HAVING MONO and having to work on Harry Potter night. I thought I was going to die. We had a line wrapped around for 4.5 hours. I had to step away a few times before I blew chunks in someone’s latte. I hope Harry dies.”LiveJournaler Kelly

“AMERICA, YOUR TASTE IN READING SUCKS, your reading comprehension is poor, and you wouldnt know the difference between a static and dynamic character if they both hit you.” — MySpacer Johnny Trash

“PATRONIZING, VERY CONSERVATIVE, HIGHLY DERIVATIVE … a pedestrian, ungrammatical prose style which has left me with a headache …” — Whitbread book award judge Anthony Holden

More after the jump…

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Rowling Sucks! An Antidote to Mass Hysteria

jk-rowling

Jo.

 Sick of J. K. Rowling? Me too. Whether you hate Harry Potter or just need a palate cleanser, here are a few choice anti-Potter rants for your misanthropic snuggle-time.

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dorothy-parker

Dot.

GOBLET OF FIRE WAS NOT a book to be put down lightly but, as Dorothy Parker once put it, to be hurled with some force to the corner of the room. Rowling’s prose is as flat (and as English) as old beer, while Harry himself is not a boy of depth or subtlety.” — Guardian (U.K.) literary editor Robert McCrum

“THE MAIN BAD GUY IS A TOTAL BITCH. He’s like a combination of the Penguin from the old Batman and Robin TV show and one of the bad guys from Scooby Doo, always getting punked by a kid. At this point, how threatening can he be?” — blogger Kevin Palmer (PointlessBanter.net)

“IF YOU CALL ME A MUGGLE I am going to rip out your larynx with my nephew’s Tonka truck backhoe.” — Kevin Palmer again (PointlessBanter.net)

MORE after the jump…

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Fantasy throwdown finale

Just FYI, I finally cobbled together a response to the screaming hordes of fantasy fans calling for my head in the “Don’t Talk to Me About Reading” post. You can read it here.

For your convenience, the “Fantasy Throwdown” — the most popular and most vilified series of posts in the storied history of this blog — went like this:

The original post: “Don’t talk to me about reading — or, cranky much?”

The followup: Yeeeeaugh! More on the fantasy throwdown”

The Postscript: Where I explain myself… again.

Yeeeeaugh! More on the fantasy throwdown

frankenstein-castle-torch-mobSomething awe-inspiring happened today.

People actually… uh… read this blog.

Unfortunately, they all hate me.

(More after the jump.)

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Don’t Talk To Me About Reading, Or, Cranky Much?

Have you ever noticed how much fantasy fans read? It’s really astonishing. My fantasy-fan friends have always had the most packed bookshelves, even more than mystery/thriller fans. (Sci-fi fans can’t even compare.) One time I saw an apartment whose owners had a large room devoted to their mostly-fantasy book collection. They had giant shelves lined up across the room library-style, all packed with paperbacks. You literally had to use an aisle between the shelves to cross the room. It was wild.

Of course, they’re really proud of this chew-through-the-phonebook capacity. Take for instance the recently concluded Once Upon A Time Challenge sponsored by the blog Stainless Steel Droppings. Continue reading

Television Without Pity’s Battlestar Forum Sucks

So I’ve been looking for someplace to yak about Battlestar Galactica online, and my first choice was a huge goose egg. Surprisingly, it’s Television Without Pity, one of the biggest and, arguably, hippest TV discussion sites online.

Alas, however engaging TWOP’s forums on Project Runway and Lost, its BSG forum has fallen into the moist grip of super-fans.

Take, for example, the proliferation of fannish vocabulary, especially the inexcusable “frack” for “fuck.” If you want to separate yourself from normal human society to the point of adopting a made-up expletive, this forum is the place to do so. Same if you prefer to invoke “the Gods” instead of God. TWOP’s posters also use a particularly disgraceful coinage I hadn’t seen before: “Humlon,” as in “Humanoid Cylon.” Oh, jeez. They really are trying to make normal people ashamed to admit we like this show, aren’t they? Even “Hulon” would have been better. Or, wait! Better still, just say … “Humanoid Cylon.” I like it!

Then there are all the emotional-explosion posts. The kind that make you wonder if the author is actually a 13-year-old girl, or just talks like one online.

–“I think Istopped breathing at several points during the premiere.” [If only! -ed.]

More after the jump.

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